A lesson in the art of advertising.

We already have a blokey 4WD, but after reading this advert, written by a South Australian girl called Emily trying to sell her Feroza on Gumtree Classifieds, I want a new one. Either that or it makes me want to drive mine all the way to South Australia just to park it in the driveway next to such a beast, in the hopes such awesomeness will rub off.

Check out this baby. With only 240,000km on the clock it's a steal. Picture: Gumtree classifieds

Who wouldn’t want this car? After all, it sounds like it should have its own blockbuster movie with Bruce Willis as a side-kick. Among other things, she says The Feroza also has a removable roof so if you’re being chased by Libyan terrorists, you’ll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the back and drive with ease. It’s saved my bacon more than once.

If you want to read more of the news report click on this link Someone please give this girl a job in advertising | News.com.au or get on Gumtree classifieds if you want to invest $2800 in something that ‘was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis.’

Just don’t call her with an insultingly low offer. I am sure she will have no problem following through with her threat “That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.”

UPDATE: Sadly this ad was later found to be a slightly altered copy of a 2008 ad on Craigslist. I’m disappointed that it was a fake but it still made me laugh, so I am going to leave this post here anyway….

The Gruen Transfer and Gruen Salts. 1929.

Cairns Post 31 Jan 1929 http://nla.gov.au/nla.news-article40657403

There is a great TV show on ABC1 in Australia, hosted by the very funny Will Anderson, called The Gruen Transfer. This is how their website describes the naming of the show; ‘The Gruen Transfer is named after Victor Gruen, the guy who designed the very first shopping mall. The term describes that split second when the mall’s intentionally confusing layout makes our eyes glaze and our jaws slacken… the moment when we forget what we came for and become impulse buyers.’

The show is all about advertising around the world and its tricks to influence the masses, including a segment where two real advertising agencies compete to ‘sell the unsellable’ (whale meat, euthanasia, Australia invading NZ….) It is hilarious and I am happy to hear that the next season starts this week.

In that vein, I was happy to find this ad from 1929 selling us the amazing product that is, the aptly named, Gruen Health Salts. I found a lot of articles advertising Gruen Salts under a variety of headlines, claiming to cure almost everything. Backache and Rheumatism, Deadly Constipation, and that it could ‘Get rid of or prevent colds’. One ad told me I would have ‘healthful cleanness inside’. I am a little afraid of what that might involve. It appears that it is able to remove all the bad things in your body leaving you ‘sparking in all cylinders’.

I use fuel additives when my car fails to spark in all cylinders. I am really hoping that these wonder salts don’t contain any of the same chemicals but, after the posts I have done in the past detailing the things historically used to ‘cure’ people, I am not too sure about that….

The Gruen Salts people were even tricky enough to have their name in bold lettering above an ad for something else they were marketing, subconsciously reinforcing the fact that it could do anything. The one above the ad for hair color could have been a bit more clearly thought out though.

I now realize Gruen Health Salts are a wonder drug and its production has clearly been suppressed by the big pharmaceutical companies. Such an amazing product would negate the need for any others. I want to run out right now and buy a bottle of Gruen as it will clearly make my life better. Quite frankly, after reading the ads for it for the last half an hour I am surprised the lack of it has not already caused my death.