Melbourne Cup Meeting, Kirk’s Horse Bazaar. 1862.

Bells Life in Sydney and Sporting Chronicle 18 Jan 1862 http://nla.gov.au/nla.news-article59790497

If only the members of the Turf Club knew what they were unleashing during that meeting at Kirk’s horse bazaar (now Hardware Lane, off Bourke Street, Melbourne) that morning in 1862.

In 1861 they put on a bit of a race (won easily by nine lengths by a horse called  Archer), and it was such a success that they thought they might make it a regular thing.

These days it is our most popular horse event of the year and millions of dollars are gambled on the outcome. The Melbourne Cup is held at Flemington Racecourse in Victoria, on the first Tuesday of November every year, as part of the spring racing carnival. I know it sounds like the people of Melbourne love their horse racing, and they do, just for now. Really, it is just an excuse for people to frock up, get drunk and have a bet. By the end of each event there are a lot of young ladies that are ‘tired and emotional’ and needing an arm to lean on, and a large amount of young men that have had far more to drink than is good for them. A combination bound for disaster!

The spring racing carnival is heaven for milliners, and if you are a real fashionista the chance to win the ‘fashions on the field’ competition will cause you to either spend a lot of money on a designer dress, or showcase your own masterpiece. You don’t even have to be going to an official spring carnival race to buy unnecessary frippery, as some country tracks run their own series of events.

Nearly every workplace will run a sweep where, for a token fee, you can reach into a box, draw the name of a participating horse that has been hastily scribbled onto a scrap of paper, then hope its exertions will mean a win for you. It doesn’t matter that most of us have never even heard of the horse on our bit of paper, it is just another tradition that usually even the most staunch non-gambler will join with happily.

The Melbourne Cup is marketed as the race that stops a nation. That is a bit of an overstatement actually. It is a selective public holiday and stops metropolitan and suburban Melbourne, but everyone else has to just go on with their normal day and watch the broadcast or listen to the radio at work. It just shows how Aussies will take any excuse to slack off though. We get the whole day off just for the time it takes some horses to thunder around two(ish) miles of track. Not only do we get the Tuesday off, most people take the Monday off as well. Since it is spring we can (usually wrongly) convince ourselves it is the start of good weather and those of us who care little for fashion or horse racing take Friday off too, make an extra long weekend of it, and go away. We will be following this tradition, so I apologize in advance if there is a break in my regular posts!

This article vainly hopes there will be less havoc among the cracks next time. Horsey publications in the 1850’s used the word crack to refer to ‘a racehorse of great excellence’. The word crack was also slang for a harlot or a soft-headed person. Either way, the gentlemen of the Turf Club would be disappointed to find out that all these years later there is still havoc in the stables, and, more famously, among the multitude of cracks in the crowd, and in the carpark, every year.

Bartley and the Whale. 1932.

Morning Bulletin 30 Jun 1932 http://nla.gov.au/nla.news-article54745997

Lucky James Bartley. Fell into the sea and was swallowed by the very whale they were battling. Not only that, he managed to survive intact, and, although bleached, and despite having a mental breakdown for the first two weeks, managed to resume normal life. I wonder if he ever went out whaling again?

I wonder what the gastric juices of a whale would to the delicate bits of a human? You know, respiratory tract, eyes etc. His brief sojourn to the interior bleached his skin permanently, but otherwise his health was unaffected. Hmmmm…. I never realized a whales insides were so airy either. Perhaps the innards were pierced by the harpoon?

Despite the seriousness with which the many reports of this story from 1891 are written, it is hardly surprising that I am having trouble with it. Please feel free to share some facts that show me I am wrong in doubting it though!

An Interesting Menu. 1937.

The Central Queensland Herald 30 Sep 1937 http://nla.gov.au/nla.news-article70540597

Considering how rarely a shark is seen on land, I am surprised that none of the things found in its stomach actually live in the water.

The bag of cats is not a surprise, unpleasant as it is, I am sure they were thrown off a bridge or boat somewhere. The dog may have been going for a swim and crossed the path of this hungry shark but I am not sure how a goat or a rock wallaby ended up being eaten. At any random time I expect that these type of animals could fall into a body of water, but what are the chances of that particular stretch of water containing the same large shark in both cases?

An unexpectedly deadly hobby. 1923.

The Advertiser 28 Aug 1923 http://nla.gov.au/nla.news-article37201356

Collecting butterflies wouldn’t be high on my dangerous hobbies list but here is an example of how even the most innocuous pastime can kill you.

I wonder if Rabbi Meyer was found with a look of horror on his face? Did he lick his finger then realize, too late, what was going to happen?

Was a ghostly butterfly chuckling in the background?

A series of drunks, ornamental drapery and another weasen. Police Report. 1832.

It has been a while since I have posted a police report or had any buried words so today you are getting a rather long police report, and it is one of the types that I love to read. Not just a boring account of crime and punishments, we get the story of the amusing goings-on in the court as well. I also get to put in a buried word I have used before, weasen. In this article it is clear the word is being used to describe a throat although it is very hard to find it used that way in other places. Judging by this police report, and many others, I wonder if the courts would have had any work at all if alcohol was taken out of the equation?

Sarah Crane claimed she was only ‘slightly inebriated’ although it sounds as though the Constable was treating her far more politely than he would have been for a man found in the same situation. There are a few other stories of drunks here that didn’t get treated so politely.

Mary Jones was found having a swim in the foundations of a new house. Although she was drunk she was discharged, as they considered she had atoned for her crime by being thoroughly wet on the outside. I think she got off quite easily really. After all, she had chosen to have the swim, it is not as though she was thrown in as punishment.

Jeremiah Wilson was drunk as a fiddler on three glasses of licher and got seven days on the mill.

Ann Burridge was wonderfully described as having a taste for ornamental drapery. She may have been well-dressed, but she wasn’t sober or polite, and after abusing her master she received a bucket of water over the head prior to being punished by the courts.

Joseph Hasley uses the word boroughmonger against the Constable accusing him of drunkenness. My Routledge dictionary of slang tells me a boroughmonger is old Scots for rabbit. Not much of an insult really. A boroughmonger is also a person who buys and sells the parliamentary seats of boroughs. I doubt the constable had that much influence in government, so I am guessing he is using the word to accuse him of impropriety.

Pat and Peter may have said they were just having a lark but it sounds as though the scrimmage was a little more serious than that. Fie-for-shames is a term used for female genitals. I think it is safe to say that Skinner didn’t possess any of them, and it was more likely that the thing Pat ripped with his teeth was the seat of Skinner’s trousers.

The perfectly named John Drink was, unsurprisingly, drunk and skinning the constable like an eel. I am not sure exactly what being skinned like an eel is. Maybe he was verbally abusing him? (Suggestions appreciated!)

The spoilt and overdressed Jane Williams, who probably liked herself a little too much to actually cut her weasen as she had threatened, sounded like she should have understood her situation a little more clearly than she did. She was charged with refusing to work and insolence. ‘If I was allowed to do as I though fit, and my mistress did not find fault, I dare say we might manage to get on.’ Did she not realize she was a convict? Being allowed to do what she though fit would have to involve her being free. She received a months sentence and I am sure she will not be offered any bombazeen dresses there. (Bombazeen or bombazine is a cloth usually used in mourning dresses)

Martha Ward, cruelly described as fat, not fair but forty, needed to learn to keep her mouth shut.

Daniel Mahony got 25 lashes for laziness.

Tom Bowers got a nice seat in the stocks to dry out in after getting all muddy. Not sure how public dirtiness is a crime though.

Eliza Hurley clearly used her hospital leave to go to the pub. She might have got away with it if she hadn’t demanded a ‘stiffner of brandy’ on her return.

Sitting drunk in the street singing heavy-vet (malt liquor, porter or stout) will only get you the attention of the charleys and both Easton and Merrit were given a seat in the stocks to sing themselves sober.

I am a little unsure as to why Margaret Cains was sent away for a month for dancing her Irish fling. It sounds as though the crowd were quite appreciative, and she was at a soiree after all. Perhaps her dancing wasn’t all that good.

The Sydney Herald 2 Aug 1832 http://nla.gov.au/nla.news-article12844964

http://nla.gov.au/nla.news-article12844964

The monster of the Loch. April 1st 1934

What a great picture of the usually elusive Loch Ness monster.

The caption reads; Declared to be the first complete authentic photograph of the Loch Ness monster to reach Australia. It is suggested that it was taken by a Scottish photographer on April the first and transmitted to Perth by wireless.

Who needs photoshop? I am actually really impressed by this article. Although the depiction of Nessie is a little different from the humps in the water one we are used to, this picture is a great one, and often early illustrated newspapers articles live by their captions as the picture is so blurry or dark. This one is detailed and so clear I am sure it would have amused many readers. I wonder how many of them were taken in despite the reference to April the first?

Western Mail 12 Apr 1934 http://nla.gov.au/nla.news-article38023502