Brace yourself, here’s a big one for the weekend.
Angus Mackay narrowly avoided punishment for his efforts in saving a ‘beauty in distress’ while Morris Lenard, for his lack of restraint regarding his wife, was sent to trial at the Quarter Sessions.
John Scraggs wife Wilhilmena is confusingly described as his ‘dearly beloved and confounded torment’. I’m beginning to suspect he had good reason to do a runner, ‘bolting from her a mensa et thoro’ (from bed and board). She took him back but I suspect that if she is such a torment that he will be gone again soon enough.
Benjamin Jones, seven days for hurting his masters feelings, (serving out too much scan. mag. (scandalum magnatum) -Speech injuring a persons dignity)
The filthy Roger Eaton, whose unwashed clothes were suspected of hydrophobia, was charged with doing Bombastes (popular act, that Bombastes) in the marketplace. Threatening to spit and toast the attending charley like a muffin on his toasting fork was not too clever, and he was sentenced to 7 days. For the sake of the other prisoners I hope he gets either a wash or a cell to himself.
William Sinclair considered himself a funny fellow with his muscles in rather good (tol lol) order. He wasn’t that funny if he thought knocking down an eighty year old man amusing. Annoyingly, this unpleasant person was discharged.
James Kelly seemed quite bored with proceedings, I wonder if his three hours in the stocks were more amusing.
Margaret Kelly refused to do the washing, and after sentencing threatened pirate-style to ‘jump over the wall and spifflicate your old shins, shiver the mizzen, take my word for’t’. I really wish she had had a wooden leg. Or an eyepatch. I love spifflicate. It is a word you don’t have to know the meaning to, you just know you don’t want it to happen to you. Or your shins.
The head of poor Jackey the valet was one victim of Elizabeth Browns dish-throwing tantrum as he had a soup tureen wedged over his conk. She got off quite lightly.
Sarah Burns could have also had a wooden leg with her, ‘If I come back may I be jibetted first’ (she should have finished with a ‘me hearties’).
Daniel Sheen was given free board and lodging for being unable to account for the way he previously obtained board and lodgings.
Patrick Shean paid 50 in return for all the work he had avoided while faking illness.
And finally, Ellen Perry was charged with running away from her loving husband nine weeks previously. He will have to do without her for a further two months, but at least now he will know where she is.